Balance

Over the years I have slowly discovered that keeping my life in balance has helped me to stay sane. Once one thing, even a small thing, is tilted a smidgen, I become unbalanced and begin the rapid descent into the pit of insanity.

Each of our lives are comprised of the exciting and the not so exciting, the necessary and that the not so necessary, the passions and the dreads. Think of a list of things that you enjoy, that give you peace. Now think of a list of things that cause you to feel anxious, that give you that feeling of dread. Here's my small list:

Peace 

sipping black tea

reading alone in a quite place

taking a walk

Anxiety

the kids fighting

getting kids ready to leave the house

being exhausted

As a stay at home mom it is easy to forget you are still a person. Just because you have chosen to work from home doesn't mean that every second that you are home should consist of you working. Us stay at homes tend to feel the need to justify our place in the work force by busying ourselves to the point of physically collapsing. We feel guilty for being able to enjoy watching our children grow, so we punish ourselves by keeping our houses spotless, our laundry up to date and dragging our children to every single event available during our “working” hours. We get caught up in the system that work = pain and lack of enjoyment.

However, I have come to find that if I simply spend a few minutes throughout the day treating myself to small bits of luxury, that the tasks that used to cause an intense amount of anxiety began to be enjoyable. For example, getting the kids dressed, fed and out the door to school seemed like a mad dash to completion. I had no enjoyment. Then I began to realize that those moments in the morning are special. Meeting your child's basic needs is just as or more important than spending a special, sunny afternoon with them in the park. Why rush through those moments in the morning with an insane amount of tension? You can't get those days, those moments, back. Try to peacefully enjoy the fact that it takes your child FOREVER to put his/her shoes on or that you have to change your clothes before leaving the house because your one year old decided to get sick just as you were opening the front door.

But how do you go about enjoying the crazy spontaneity that children bring with them? My answer has come from simply taking the time in the morning to sit alone with the One. My morning ritual consists of me getting up about 2 hours before I expect the children to rouse. I grab some breakfast and sit in silence with the thoughts that God places within my mind as I read from either the Bible or a book that has been given the title of a classic within the Christian tradition. Then I jump in the shower and get ready for my day.

I also make a point throughout the day to steal little moments for myself. A cup of black tea while talking to Paul about what he plans to do that day, a quick 15 min nap while Anna is resting, a small stroll through the neighborhood with the kids after lunch. 

The main thing that I have to keep in my mind is self care. If I don't care for myself how can I expect to care for my children? But there is a balance in that. Too much self care can result in ignoring my children and too little self care can result in me being cranky, resentful and just plain out mean. The key is balance and each person has their own inner scale. It just takes some time and self examination to figure out what is at the end of each and which things tend to send the scale to the left or right. 

So, I charge you with the task of figuring out what keeps you balanced. Start with the things you enjoy. How can you fit those into your day, your week, your month, your year? Then go on to the things you don't enjoy so much. How can you change your schedule around to make those tasks more enjoyable? Most of all remember why you have chosen to stay home. It's not to be a maid or a fine cook or a taxi driver, even though those are sometimes side jobs to the main one. You are home for your children. To teach them about love and compassion through you. So, take care of yourself so that you can present your best for them. Just remember that being able to calmly walk them through their childhood traumas means more to them in the long run.

Good Luck to us all!