Let's Stick Together

I don't get why some mothers don't stick together. Can we not all admit that there are days when the kids have driven us so crazy that we want to run away? Is that too taboo? Or are we suppose to pretend that we are cool, calm and collected all the time? Why is there sometimes this competition and a lack of sympathy and understanding amongst mothers? Why can't we all work together, admit our flaws, share our joys, and vent our frustrations, without fear of being judged "a bad mom" or "not enjoying the blessings we have."

Maybe it's just me. Maybe I'm too honest about motherhood. Maybe I should pretend I'm the dainty little housewife who is married to the town minister and wakes up every morning with butterflies fluttering throughout my home.

FYI I don't wear a long silk gown to bed and some mornings I forget to brush my teeth.

I get up every morning at 6am to prepare for my day. I have a heart condition that requires me to take medicine in order to really be able to breath and the medicine takes a little over an hour to really kick in. There for I have to get up at least two hours before the kids do or I am physically unable to care for them. Once the medicine kicks in it helps keep my heart pumping at a normal pace, along with my pacemaker, but it makes me drowsy.

Being drowsy with a 2 year old and a 5 year old makes for an exhausting day.

My husband is currently a full time minister, a full time seminary student, a full time father and a full time husband. Starting the end of August life gets a little more complicated. Monday he leaves the house at 6am to study before class. He doesn't get home from class until 10pm. Tuesday he works all day then goes to class all evening....returns at 10pm. Wednesday he works all day....returns at 10:30pm. By Thursday I feel like I have been beat with a hammer. My arms ache, my back aches, my feet ache, my head aches, and my heart feels as if it is on its last beat. Thursday....another work day but he gets to be home for dinner!!!

I don't see it that I have it harder than any other parent. It is just different. Parenthood is hard. It is a joy but it is hard. It is like the bike at the farmers market that is hooked up to the smoothie maker. In order to make your own smoothie you have to peddle the bike really fast and it gets really hard.....you get tired. but at the end you get to enjoy your smoothie.

Raising children is like that. It is a LOT of hard work but at the end you receive a great reward.

What annoys the utter crap out of me is the lack of realness in people. The mask that some parents hide behind in order to elevate themselves above others "look at me....I am such a wonderful parent!" give me a break. I know you get annoyed that every single time you get out of the car you have to lug a whole other person...or two...or three...or four...and an ungodly amount of crap. I know you get tired of cleaning up spilled drinks. I know you get frustrated when you have spent all day answering "but why" and explaining over and over how "we are suppose to treat others." I know that you feel your space is evaded when any time you attempt to go to the bathroom little fingers appear under the door "can you see my fingers?" I know there are moments in the day when you think "can I just have a minute....just one minute to check to see if my brain is still working?" I know every now and then you get extremely tired of a little person crawling all over you any time you decided to sit down. I also know that you couldn't be happier with your decision to be a parent but that you would like to vent your frustrations every now and then.

Parenthood brings all the emotions you could ever have and crams them into one single day.....over and over and over again.

Morning breakfast = yay they are in a great mood...ME TOO

two year old melt down = oh my GOSH

5 year old know it all = whatever, i'm done explaining to someone who thinks he is smarter than me

a few hours at the park = aaah yes. I am so blessed to have these beautiful children

trying to get them down for nap = i'm too tired to even move. I want to cry. can I have a meltdown?

afternoon snack = yay ICE CREAM on the back porch. This is the life. parenthood ROCKS!

trying to fix dinner with the kids yelling in the living room = HELP I feel so alone. I want to cry

snuggling for a bedtime story book = these are the sweetest kids EVER and I LOVE them

being awakened in the middle of the night = I'm going to have a melt down if he/she doesn't go back to bed. For heavens sake child SLEEEEEEEP

So, the next time you see a mother or a father that seems like they have just about had it. Try to sympathize with their situation. Remember when you were in that situation and how you felt. It probably wasn't that long ago...maybe 3o min ago. The parent/child melt downs are pretty often and you can never predict them. It just kinda happens.

And when a parent vents to you or mentions "i'm so tired" try to sympathize. Maybe even buy them a soy latte' with one pump of white chocolate!
What I am trying to say is...LET'S STICK TOGETHER. We are a team!! We are raising the next generation!! That is a major task and we need to be able to TALK to one another without trying to one up one another.

AMEN!

Ps: thank you to all the mothers in my life that allow me to vent. I love you all!

Balance

Over the years I have slowly discovered that keeping my life in balance has helped me to stay sane. Once one thing, even a small thing, is tilted a smidgen, I become unbalanced and begin the rapid descent into the pit of insanity.

Each of our lives are comprised of the exciting and the not so exciting, the necessary and that the not so necessary, the passions and the dreads. Think of a list of things that you enjoy, that give you peace. Now think of a list of things that cause you to feel anxious, that give you that feeling of dread. Here's my small list:

Peace 

sipping black tea

reading alone in a quite place

taking a walk

Anxiety

the kids fighting

getting kids ready to leave the house

being exhausted

As a stay at home mom it is easy to forget you are still a person. Just because you have chosen to work from home doesn't mean that every second that you are home should consist of you working. Us stay at homes tend to feel the need to justify our place in the work force by busying ourselves to the point of physically collapsing. We feel guilty for being able to enjoy watching our children grow, so we punish ourselves by keeping our houses spotless, our laundry up to date and dragging our children to every single event available during our “working” hours. We get caught up in the system that work = pain and lack of enjoyment.

However, I have come to find that if I simply spend a few minutes throughout the day treating myself to small bits of luxury, that the tasks that used to cause an intense amount of anxiety began to be enjoyable. For example, getting the kids dressed, fed and out the door to school seemed like a mad dash to completion. I had no enjoyment. Then I began to realize that those moments in the morning are special. Meeting your child's basic needs is just as or more important than spending a special, sunny afternoon with them in the park. Why rush through those moments in the morning with an insane amount of tension? You can't get those days, those moments, back. Try to peacefully enjoy the fact that it takes your child FOREVER to put his/her shoes on or that you have to change your clothes before leaving the house because your one year old decided to get sick just as you were opening the front door.

But how do you go about enjoying the crazy spontaneity that children bring with them? My answer has come from simply taking the time in the morning to sit alone with the One. My morning ritual consists of me getting up about 2 hours before I expect the children to rouse. I grab some breakfast and sit in silence with the thoughts that God places within my mind as I read from either the Bible or a book that has been given the title of a classic within the Christian tradition. Then I jump in the shower and get ready for my day.

I also make a point throughout the day to steal little moments for myself. A cup of black tea while talking to Paul about what he plans to do that day, a quick 15 min nap while Anna is resting, a small stroll through the neighborhood with the kids after lunch. 

The main thing that I have to keep in my mind is self care. If I don't care for myself how can I expect to care for my children? But there is a balance in that. Too much self care can result in ignoring my children and too little self care can result in me being cranky, resentful and just plain out mean. The key is balance and each person has their own inner scale. It just takes some time and self examination to figure out what is at the end of each and which things tend to send the scale to the left or right. 

So, I charge you with the task of figuring out what keeps you balanced. Start with the things you enjoy. How can you fit those into your day, your week, your month, your year? Then go on to the things you don't enjoy so much. How can you change your schedule around to make those tasks more enjoyable? Most of all remember why you have chosen to stay home. It's not to be a maid or a fine cook or a taxi driver, even though those are sometimes side jobs to the main one. You are home for your children. To teach them about love and compassion through you. So, take care of yourself so that you can present your best for them. Just remember that being able to calmly walk them through their childhood traumas means more to them in the long run.

Good Luck to us all! 

Introduction

Mothers who feel that their vocational call is to the ministry of their families often times find themselves within the mist of a battle to  stay sane. I am starting this blog to hopefully give a voice to mothers who battle the demons of frustration, anxiety and loneliness while trying to raise their children in a loving and encouraging environment.

 

This is not a "how to" blog. This is just one mother chronicling her failures and her successes in the mission field of her home. Grab a cup of tea and lets share the stories of our quest to stay sane during the journey that is motherhood.